101 Ways to Annoy Your Family the Potter Way
by Elforce
Summary: Get your family back with these not 99, not 100, but 101 ways to annoy them! The HARRY POTTER WAY! Isn’t that just great? ...For those of you who don’t understand rhetorical questions, the answer is ‘Yes, that is great.'


Get your family back with these not 99, not 100, but 101 ways to annoy them! The HARRY POTTER WAY! Isn't that just great? For those of you who don't understand rhetorical questions, the answer is 'Yes, that is great!'

Now these aren't just designed to entertain you for the time it takes to read it- These methods have been tested on average families and are guaranteed to completely ANNOY THE ---- OUT OF EVERYONE!

Disclaimer: Duh.

101 Ways to Annoy Your Family the Potter Way

Answer everything with 'But in essence divided?'

When someone asks you for a page number, say 394. Then talk obsessively how 3 plus 9 plus 4 equals 16, and 1 plus 6 is 7, which is the most magically powerful number.

When they are holding a stick, pencil etc, say 'Swish and flick!' Then, 'Stop, stop, stop. You're going to poke someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's Levi-o-sa, not Levi-osa.'

When they are being annoying, say 'You are the most insensitive wart I have had the greatest misfortune to meet.'

Say they have the emotional range of a teaspoon.

Make up chants for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, or the Chudley Cannons, and sing them constantly.

Start spinning a top and blowing a whistle to be a sneakoscope. Search for dark wizards.

Get a pom-pom, glue googly eyes and perhaps antennae on it, and say it's your pet pygmy puff. Take it everywhere you go.

Whenever you pass a mirror, act like it's the mirror of Erised and pretend you can see yourself holding some socks or seeing the HP movies actually following the plots of the book.

Give them a small bottle of water, juice or water with food colouring in it, and say it's Veritaserum, Felix Felicis, Amortentia or some kind of Potion. After they drink it tell them you may have not got it exactly right.

When they can't remember something, say 'Wrackspurt got you?' And make further remarks about such demented magical creatures.

Wear radish earrings, a necklace of corks and put a stick behind your ear.

Read magazines upside-down and say you're finding out how to turn their ears into kumquats.

Point fearfully at horses claiming that they are thestrals.

When anyone asks you about the weather, reply with 'There's going to be loads of fog tonight.'

When a family member comes home you run to the door and start screaming, 'Where HAVE you been? Beds empty! No note! Car gone! You could have died! You could have been seen!'

When they do something bad, say 'You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!'

Pretend you've lost your toad.

If someone asks you about something you don't know, say 'Mars is bright tonight.'

Dye your eyebrow yellow.

Practice duelling with another Harry Potter obsessed friend, and name the family member as your second and give them a stick. Pretend to die and get your friend to duel your family member.

Wear an S.P.E.W badge and try and make everyone join.

Hit them on the back and blame it on a bludger.

Whenever there are flashes of green light, (fireworks, torches, fairy lights) scream and pretend to drop dead.

Wear a purple turban. When anybody asks about it, ramble on in a stuttering voice about how no-one knows your first name.

Tell them they've got dirt on their nose.

Sneak up behind them, grab their nose and yell 'GOT YOUR CONK!'

If they ask you for something, say 'Won't say nothing if you don't say please,' 'Ok- please?' 'NOTHING! HA haaaaa! Told ya I won't say nothing if you don't say please!'

Whenever you see a locket, crown, cup or ring, start gabbling and scream 'It's a horcrux!'

Organise a Harry Potter shrine, composed of a draped table in your room, and stand up the books on it with all your Potter merchandise, movie tickets, etc, and grovel at it daily.

Send a letter to them, covered with stamps. Adress their bedroom on the second postage line.

Sing Potter, you Rotter and other songs by Peeves.

Sing Weasley is our King.

Tell them they've got Spattergroit. When they ask what it is, say 'tis a most grievous affection of the skin, young master, which will leave you more pockmarked and gruesome than you are now! The only cure is to take the liver of a toad, bind it tight around your throat, and stand naked in a barrel of eel eyes at the full moon.'

Pretend you can feel your Dark Mark burning.

Send them packages of maggots.

Act blank for half an hour, and then say you've been using a Patented Daydreaming Charm.

Throw some flour into a fire and say 'Diagon Alley!'

De-gnome the garden.

Convince them there is such thing as the Crumple-Horned Snorkack and the Blibbering Humdinger.

Make a sorting hat, put it on and mutter 'Not Slytherin… not Slytherin…' Also works well if it isn't a sorting hat. The stupider the hat, the better.

Look for Flesh Eating Slug Repellent in gardening shops.

Pretend there's a boggart in your wardrobe.

Talk like Stan Shunpike in the movie.

If they step on an insect, yell 'YOU BUST SLUG!'

If you're walking, riding or driving with someone, suddenly change direction, muttering 'Shake 'em off, shake 'em off…'

Give out jellybeans and inform them about the different flavours WHILE they are eating them, e.g. vomit, bogey, earwax.

When someone asks you to say a few words, like at a presentation or a speech, answer with 'Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak.'

Run in screaming 'TROLL! IN THE DUNGEONS! Thought you ought to know…' then pretend to faint.

Get a cigarette lighter or one of those thingies that are used for lighting stove and candle fires, and pretend it's a Put Outer. When it doesn't work throw rocks at lights to break them.

Play Snap with them, and act like the cards might explode any second.

Pretend you've taken an overdose of U-No-Poo.

When you have a nosebleed, fever or you're throwing up, ask for the other end of your Skiving Snackbox.

Say 'Oho' all the time.

Act like Kreacher and mutter insults all the time.

Tell them to get their ruddy bird in control.

Knit them Weasley jumpers.

Make everyone have special questions with answers to make sure they're not impostors.

Sort them into houses and give and take points accordingly.

Whenever they want to go into the bathroom, say, 'You don't want to go in there, that's Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.'

Speak in Parseltounge to toy/real snakes.

Try to summon things and get really mad when it doesn't work.

Wear Weird Sister T-shirts and decorate your room with posters.

When your mum tells your sibling to do something, say 'He's not Insert brother's name here, I am! Honestly woman, call yourself our mother!'

Get a huge heavy book, slam it down on the table and say 'I checked this out _weeks_ ago for a bit of light reading.' Is more funny if it's a Dr. Seuss book.

Unbend a wire coat hanger into a straight line and pretend it's a Secrecy Sensor. Check people when they go indoors, making metal detector sounds, and occasionally accusing people of carrying Dark objects.

Knock on their bedroom door and say 'Housekeeping-' if they tell you to shut up or go away, say 'I'll come back later,'

Threaten to switch their fangs with wine gums.

Constantly ask them the Sphinx's riddle.

Whenever they leave the house, yell 'And not a _step_ down Knockturn alley!' to their retreating backs.

Print out or write the poem from the doors of Gringotts and tape it to your bedroom door.

Go around screaming that your pet has just caught fire. When someone says that your pet's fine, say that they reincarnated from the ashes.

Sell metamorph-medals. (Bottlecaps on string)

Screw up your face and say you're trying to turn your hair pink because -Insert your hair colour here- makes you look at little peaky. When your hair fails to turn pink, say you must be losing your metamorphic abilities and freak out.

At the entrance to a door, such as the living room, get a wine glass, imitate the tunes that the Fat Lady was singing in the third movie and not let anyone in until you break the glass.

If someone says that they want to be a -Insert job here-, tell them you wouldn't advise it as they are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, who are bringing down the government with a mixture of Dark magic and gum disease.

Constantly 'Bother' people, as well as singing a capella versions of the Mysterious Ticking Noise with friends.

Go around tapping random statues or any other objects like that around the house, muttering 'Dissendium.'

Mix together some flour, water and green food colouring, put it in a wax-lined envelope and send it to someone. When they open it and the green stuff spills all over their hands, act like its Bubotuber pus and tell them they'd better go to the hospital wing.

When someone's angry or acting strange, recommend a treatment of shock charms.

Subscribe them to as many online Harry Potter newsletters you can, each multiple times. Create fanfiction accounts for them and also subscribe them to as many sick and disgusting R-rated fanfics as possible.

Tell your parents you want Weird Sisters concert tickets for your birthday, and watch them as they fail to find them anywhere.

Carry a wand around with you at all times, and brandish it when the slightest thing is not normal, such as a box of tissues becomes empty or a popup comes up on your computer.

Draw Harry Potter scars and glasses on everything.

Relate every single thing with Harry Potter, it's not that hard. E.g.: 'It's such a nice day, just look at the blue sky-' 'Ohmigod, Hermione's dress robes were blue. Periwinkle blue. Although in the movies it was pink. I don't think the scriptwriters have even read the book…'

Get the Hogwarts theme song in everyone's heads. (Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts…) And if they don't know all of the words, it will annoy them more.

Draw fanart (It works better if the art is terrible but you can still tell that its Harry Potter related), scan them, have them specially enlarged, printed and framed then hang them up like masterpieces in the hallway...

...or sell them on the street. Get your Potter-obsessed friends to dress up as millionaires and write fake cheques to buy the art for like, hundred of thousands of dollars/pounds/whatever, and make sure your family is watching.

Write a 'Chicken Soup for the Potterholics's soul' filled with editorials, fanfics etc.

Do your own podcasting, sort of like the MuggleCast. Record your family as guest stars, but don't tell them your recording until after you've done it.

Write filks to all of your family's favourite songs and movies. Sing your filk songs every time the song plays as loud as you can.

Every time you go swimming, bring a handful of green jelly snakes or spinach and eat them before you jump in the water, like its Gillyweed.

Ruffle your hair.

Get a broom/mop/rake/hoe whatever you can find, stand net to it, yelling 'UP!' then get really frustrated when your broom/mop/rake/hoe doesn't move.

Make up nicknames for every member of your family from Harry Potter, like Roonil Wazlib, Master of Mystery, Ickle -Insert part of name here-kins.

Go on about how Santa Claus is mistreating House-Elves and if you can, make petitions or a protest.

Practice imitating all your Harry Potter voices but make them terribly exaggerated, like over-English accents and make Voldy sound like Michael Jackson. Also American people doing Irish accents (Seamus) is hilarious.

Write a letter to JKR everyday, making your parents spend heaps on stamps.

Go around making a tally on how many times each of your family members has read the books. Stick it up somwhere, making sure the point that you've read them way more times is clear.

Tell people that all ideas in other books, movies etc. similar to Harry Potter were ripped off; even if they were made before HP came out, like the Chronicles of Narnia and the Lord of the Rings.

Read this list and do everything on it.

HEHE. THAT WAS FUN!

I hoped you liked it as much as I liked writing it- and this is why you should review. I accept anonymous reviewers!

If you don't review, I will be sad.

If I'm sad, I will develop clinical depression.

If I develop clinical depression, I will kill myself.

If my friends have to deal with death, they will develop clinical depression.

If my friends develop clinical depression, they will eventually kill themselves.

If my friends kill themselves, their family and friends will develop clinical depression.

If their family and friends develop clinical depression they will kill themselves and it will spread throughout the world.

If clinical depression spreads throughout the world, everyone in the world will kill themselves.

If everyone in the entire world is dead, this will probably include you.

See how you not reviewing can wipe out the entire human race? If you cared for the Earth AT ALL, if you had a sliver of kindness and caring for the world, you would review.


End file.
